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Lyrics for 'No Thugs In Our House (A Musical In Three Acts By Xtc)' by 'Xtc'
Cast Of Characters
Graham, A Teenager
Mother, A Busy Housewife
Father, A Conservative Husband
Policeman, A Young Constable
Scene: A Kitchen In Suburbia, One Bright Saturday Morning
Act One
Narrator: The Insect-headed Worker-wife Will Hang Her Waspies On The
Line. Her Husband Burns His Paper, Sucks His Pipe While Studying
Their Cushion-floor, His Viscous Poly-paste Breath Comes Out. Their
Wall-paper World Is Shattered By His Shout. A Boy In Blue Is Busy
Banging Out A Headache On The Kitchen Door. All The While Graham
Slept On, Dreaming Of A World Where He Could Do Just What He Wanted
To.
Mother And Father (in Unison): No Thugs In Our House, Are There Dear?
We Made That Clear, We Made Little Graham Promise Us He'd Be A Good
Boy. No Thugs In Our House, Are There Dear? We Made That Clear, We
Made Little Graham Promise Us He'd Be A Good Boy.
Act Two
Narrator: The Young Policeman Who Just Can't Grow A Moustache Will
Open Up His Book, And Spoil Their Breakfast With Reports Of Asians Who
Have Been So Badly Kicked.
Policeman: Is This Your Son's Wallet I've Got Here? He Must Have
Dropped It After Too Much Beer!
Mother: Oh, Officer, We Can't Believe Our Little Angel Is The One
You've Picked.
Narrator: And All The While Graham Slept On, Dreaming Of A World
Where He Could Do Just What He Wanted To.
Mother And Father (in Unison): No Thugs In Our House, Are There Dear?
We Made That Clear, We Made Little Graham Promise Us He'd Be A Good
Boy. No Thugs In Our House, Are There Dear? We Made That Clear, We
Made Little Graham Promise Us He'd Be A Good Boy.
Narrator: They Never Read Those Pamphlets In His Bottom Drawer.
Policeman: They Never Read That Tattoo On His Arm.
Narrator: They Thought That Was Just A Boys Club Badge He Wore.
Policeman: They Never Thought He'd Do Folks Any Harm.
Act Three
Narrator: The Insect-headed Worker-wife Will Hang Her Waspies On The
Line. She's Singing Something Stale And Simple Now This Business Has
Fizzled Out. Her Little Tune Is Such A Happy Song. Her Son Is
Innocent, He Can't Do Wrong, 'cos Dad's A Judge And Knows Exactly What
The Job Of Judging's All About. And All The While Graham Slept On,
Dreaming Of A World Where He Could Do Just What He Wanted To.
Mother And Father (in Unison): No Thugs In Our House, Are There Dear?
We Made That Clear, We Made Little Graham Promise Us He'd Be A Good
Boy. No Thugs In Our House, Are There Dear? We Made That Clear, We
Made Little Graham Promise Us He'd Be A Good Boy.
Mother: No Thugs In Our House!
Father: No Thugs In Our House!
Complete Cast (in Unison): No Thugs In Our House, Dear!
Set Design By Andy Partridge With Co-ordination By Ken Ansell.
Stage And Scenery By Art Dragon
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