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Lyrics for 'The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions' by 'Adam Sandler'
Performed By Adam Sandler And Conan O' Brien :
"and Now A Buffoon's Meeting With The Dean Of Admissions At A Prestigious College."
Dean: "well Michael, I Would Like To Extend My Warmest Congradulations On Your Upcoming Graduation And I Understand You Are Interested In Matriculating Here In The Fall."
Buffoon: "i Got A Snake, Man!"
Dean: "yes, Pets Are Welcome Here On Campus. Be It The Traditional Dog, Or Cat, Or Even The Occasional Reptile."
Buffoon: "one Time I Fed It Some Beer Man! It Was Slithering This Way And That! It Was All Fucked Up!"
Dean: "i'm Sure It Was. Well We Discourage Inappropriate Drinking Among Both Students And Pets Here On Campus."
Buffoon: "fuckin' Shit!"
Dean: "yes, That's A Not Uncommon Reaction To This Policy. So Tell Me A Little Bit More About Your Background."
Buffoon: "my Father's A Fucking Asshole, Man!"
Dean: "hmm, I See. Your Feelings Of Rebelion Are Not Unusual At Your Age Son."
Buffoon: "my Mother's A Piece Of Shit Too!"
Dean: "well, I Hope You Can Find An Outlet For Your Hostility Over The Summer So You Can Come To School In The Fall Relaxed And Ready To Learn."
Buffoon: "my Teacher In High School Was A Stupid Bitch, Man! She Had Her Head Way Up Her Ass!"
Dean: "well The Quality Of The Faculty At A University Such As Ours Far Exceeds That Of A Local Public High School."
Buffoon: "your Secretary's A Real Fat Bitch, Man!"
Dean: "yes, She's Tried Many Diets Over The Years With Minimal Success."
Buffoon: "i Had Diarhea Last Month. I Had To Shit All Fucking Day!"
Dean: "uh Huh, Well We All Get The Occasional Stomach Bug, Never A Pleasurable Experience. So Have You Given Any Thought To Your Choice Of Major?"
Buffoon: "i've Got A Big Fucking Boner Right Now."
Dean: "i See. Well Sexual Arrousal Is Not Uncommon During Periods Of Nervous Tension. I Do Not Take Offense."
Buffoon: "one Time I Ate My Neighbors Shit!"
Dean: "that's Understandable. Well, I Enjoyed Meeting You. We'll Be Sending You Our Decision By The End Of The Month."
Buffoon: "i Bet You Got Really Hairy Balls."
Dean: "yes, It's A Veritable Forest Down There. Bye Bye."
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